The Infamous Truth About Being An Only Child
From my experience, discussing the problems of being an only child is scorned, like discussing skinny-people problems. No one takes your problems seriously. But the truth is, being an only child has its downsides. It’s not all glamourous.
When I tell most people I’m an only child, the assumption is I’m spoiled. However, people tend to overlook the intersectionality of my experiences. I’m not just an only child. I’m an only child born in a low-income Afro-Caribbean immigrant household. My experiences are complex and can’t be simplified using a stereotype.
Education & Career
My parents came here over 20 years ago to seek better opportunities, but it isn’t easy to get a job without sufficient education. I was the first in my family to go to high school, graduate high school, pursue post-secondary education, and graduate with honors.
As groundbreaking as that sounds, my journey was no walk in the park. It’s frustrating and overwhelming to pave the way for your family. Most of the time, you have no idea if you’re on the right track. I chose Computer Science, but I had no idea what university would be like and if Computer Science would be a promising career. I took a crazy gamble, which luckily paid off. I also felt quite lonely because I felt like I had to figure out things by myself.
It’s not that my parents couldn’t help, but they didn’t know how to help. Eventually, they figured out something they could do; they provided an overflowing amount of emotional support. They learned the importance of mental health and tried to apply learned principles into our home.
Caribbean parents can be very short-tempered, but my parents learned patience during the duration of my schooling. My mom tried to be available if I needed to vent my feelings, and my dad held me accountable for poor lifestyle decisions such as staying up late for multiple days or not eating all day.
Parental Dynamics & Roles
It’s important to note that growing up with siblings versus growing up alone creates different parental dynamics. Parents notice every movement and decision an only child makes. Therefore, one's choices feel like a big deal because it’s the only deal. Whereas when one has siblings, contributions are a fraction of the bigger picture. There are more people to worry about, more people to prioritize, and more people to watch.
Fortunately, my parents respect my privacy, so I can continue to live at home comfortably. So on the brighter side, I can live at home with minimal annoyances.
Another difficult task as an only child is adopting the caretaker role to your elderly parents. As my parents age, it’s my responsibility to ensure their well-being. Just as I’m the only one they prioritized, I’m the only one to prioritize them in old age. A task usually split and argued amongst siblings falls entirely on my shoulders. There’s no passing around the responsibility or hiding from it. I’m happy to do it, but it’s exhausting nonetheless.
Expenses
Being an only child can also be incredibly expensive. My family was never fortunate enough to afford a car. As a result, I’m the first to own a license and seek car insurance. When I initially got my license, I inquired about car insurance. Let me tell you something about first-time car insurance. IT COSTS SO MUCH MONEY!
In Toronto, car insurance companies quote me between $400 — $700 monthly. The advice I get online for first-time car owners is, get on your parents' insurance. Nothing is more infuriating than an answer that doesn’t solve your problems because it doesn’t apply to you.
Fortunately, I can afford a car now, but I hardly require it anymore, given the recent pandemic. I don’t go anywhere, and although my mom is still working, public transit is relatively empty during her commuting hours.
Final Thoughts
Being an only child may have its upsides, but don’t get caught up in the stereotypes and assume someone lives an “easy” life. Remember that people's lives are an intersectionality of their experiences. There are multiple factors to consider, such as culture, race, family dynamics, and socio-economical status. Before assuming someone's life based on the label they wear, listen to the story of that life. It might surprise you, and you might learn something.
