I’m Keeping My Maiden Name
My family migrated from Jamaica to seek better job opportunities. My mom, a woman of pride and authority, bent over backward for decades working multiple jobs in factories, cleaning hospitals, and at one point, she was a security guard. My dad, a natural-born leader yet so gentle and humble, spent years working night shifts cleaning schools until our family doctor said, “It’s time to stop.”
After several years, my parents bought a plot of land in Jamaica to build their first home. The land papers were signed, the title granted, and everything done under my mom’s name, her maiden name. At the time, I was young and naive, so I thought it was my mom’s act of rebellion towards my dad.
As an only child, I submitted to the idea one day I would surrender my last name to my partner, and I wouldn’t be able to create a legacy under my maiden name. It felt like an inevitable fate every woman submitted to, and I didn’t think I had a right to challenge the system that came before me.
So when my mom used her maiden name, my initial thoughts were, “What about my dad? Is he not important too? I thought all women had to use their husband’s last name?”
When I asked my dad, his response both shocked and impressed me. My dad said, marriage isn’t about owning a person, it’s about supporting a person throughout both your lifetimes, what does the name have to do with anything? He acknowledged owning property was my mom’s dream. She worked the hardest for it. Therefore, she deserves to put her name on it. This man was born in 1950. I honestly did not think he would casually utter such liberal words as if it were the most obvious explanation for the situation. But he was right! Marriage is about becoming an equal unit, both parties giving, taking, and compromising. Fast forward over a decade later, my parents are still together, strong and annoying as ever.
I believe a maiden’s name is a maiden’s story. My maiden name comprises of all the experiences as a girl that shaped me to become a woman. It contains all the stories of my parents, my grandparents, and all my ancestors. It comprises the stories of all the liberated slaves that came before me. Without a doubt, my maiden name carries weight, but it’s a weight I’m proud to carry, and I want to carry it for the rest of my life. That’s my choice. Why should I follow outdated patriarchal standards (the same standards that were established under the circumstances women weren’t allowed to own anything)? My destiny isn’t relying on a man for survival anymore. I am the key to my survival.
As the tides of our society change, I would like to believe more women are taking pride in their maiden names. I would also like to believe others won’t shame me for wanting to keep my maiden name. It’s not that I won’t love my future partner, but first and foremost, I love the history of the Simpsons.
