I’m also a software engineer and up until recently (2019) I never gave it any thought about how I’ve been mistreated in tech by dominate white males. I always undermined myself for not being enough as an engineer. I tried to reach above and beyond to excel in my work and I was taken advantage of multiple times.

Your story brought tears to my eyes, cause I know that struggle. You just want to be the best you can be, yet every week you’re told you’re problematic.

I worked at a workplace where the boss monitored me like a HAWK. Granted, everyone was monitored like a hawk. But, this manager felt inclined to continuously ask about my performance. Just like you, there came a point where I became so depressed I couldn’t work for two weeks. I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed with a smile and face my computer.

I’ve had exceptional scrum masters that saw I was better than the places I’ve worked and stood up for me when they noticed I was being treated unfairly. They saw I was smarter, and worked quicker than the males that I was often compared to by stingy managers. Yet I still blamed myself cause I felt, “maybe if I worked a few more hours I can prove my worth” or “maybe if I complete X points of tickets I can show them I’m worthy of doing and learning more”. I was severely underpaid for the first two years after I graduated even though I excelled in my work, and it was my exceptional scrum masters, and even former professors that took the blinds over my eyes to help me see, I was treated unfairly.

I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, from one black woman in tech to another, hope you find a place that values you and invests time into your personal and professional development. I hope you find a place that pays you what you’re worth. A place that you’re not alone and you’re not fighting alone. A place that recognizes when an employee is shutting down. Nobody should have to go through the emotional trauma you went through, that’s unacceptable.